Last night I (30m) suggested that my fianceé (28) and I tell each other whatever secret we might still have in order to purge ourselves before our upcoming wedding. We were both in bed, almost asleep, so I didn't really expect an answer from my fianceé at that time of the night, let alone a serious one, until she decided to tell me that she used to be a bully in high school.
I laughed when I heard the word "bully" because I struggled to imagine my fianceé being mean to others, even as a teenager, but the more information she provided, the quicker I shut up. At first most of the details she described were fucked up but forgivable in my opinion. Like tormenting girls who couldn't stand up for themselves, hooking up with boys who were in relationships, spreading lies about others, etc.
However, my fianceé mentioned something she did back in those days that made me instantly regret initiating this topic. She said she sexually assaulted multiple boys in high school. One of those poor boys she practically forced to have sex against his will. According to her the boys were all younger and "more vulnerable", which was part of the appeal, as she put it. She made it clear to me that none of it was consensual.
My fianceé began crying and asked me to say something. Not gonna lie, I struggled to speak, but once I was able to open my mouth I asked if she made any attempts since high school to find the boys, who are obviously adults now, and at the very least apologize to them. My fianceé said no and got even more emotional. I suggested that we do what we can to locate the men she's victimized and arrange to meet each of them if they'll allow us.
I made my fianceé understand that I respect her courage and honesty, but I'm gonna need time to process what this means for our relationship going forward. She asked if I'm still gonna marry her and I said I honestly didn't know, which made her promise to go above and beyond to reach out to her victims and reconcile as soon as possible. I promised to be there every step of the way as long as she's not just doing it to save our relationship.
This morning my fianceé gave me the name of one of the boys she sexually assaulted. She found him on IG. She asked me to give her some time to work up the courage to contact him. I understood. On one hand I'm sympathetic towards my fianceé, but on the other hand I'm unable to unsee the monster she had inside of her this whole time. I have no idea where we go from here. Anyway, whoever reads this, you made me feel less alone, so thank you.
TL:DR Asked my fianceé to share any secret she might still have before we get married, just for fun, which prompted her to tell me she sexually assaulted students in high school and now I'm not sure if there will be a wedding.
As you have noticed, the moderators have decided to lock my post due to an influx of controversial comments. As a result, my inbox is being bombarded with messages. I'm unable to respond to all of you, but I do want to thank everyone for their input. I still love my fianceé and will do what I can to support her as she deals with what she's done in the past, but at the moment I can't promise if I'll provide my support as a soon to be husband or a soon to be ex boyfriend. Time will tell. I hope the people that my fianceé has hurt have become amazing human beings in spite of everything.
I spent the first 27 years of my life in the UK, but life took me to the US. Haven't had the opportunity to visit for 8 years due to life events. Contemplating a return, at least for a trip, and possibly permanently. What's going to be a surprise to me?
If you stay at a hotel and you are checking out don’t make your bed or try to make it look nice this doesn’t help housekeeping because they have to change the sheets and if you do this it could result in them not changing the sheets and the next person sleeping in dirty sheets. Also you don’t need to wrap all the dirty sheets together just leave it how it is when you get out of bed. Also don’t be a jerk about it but if you just let the front desk know any issues you had with your stay we want to know any issues and sometimes give you a small discount maybe take off your parking if you tell the front desk the issues.